Hmmm.....well I don't even know where to begin....I've broken everything off with Ben, I'm going to Wales in the fall, and I want to run away from everything I've ever known.

....I am FINALLY so FRICKING HAPPY JOYFULLY IN LOVE! YES! me, the cynical, never-staying-in-a-relationship-longerthanthreemonths, IS IN LOVE!!!! so in love...........his name is ben.......he's the guy that i started seeing after i broke up with my last boyfriend in my may entry....and he is amazing. oh don't get me wrong he has his faults, and they drive me crazy! but the other day a realization hit me: no one is going to be as perfect as I want....NO ONE! the only reason i was looking for perfection is so i could push away the unperfect with excuses "he's not what i'm looking for" "not my type" et cetera. but ben is wonderful.........and he's beautiful! wonderful wonderful...sorry if i'm gushing but i haven't been this secure in a relationship for ages. it'll be four months november 1st!!! and i'm happy

here's lookin at you kid

My Wish by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big


i'm gonna miss you rie

I haven't looked at this sight in probably two years, but in one of my classes we were talking about it and I remembered I had an account. And all at once I had a crazy desire to get on here and look at all of my old memories. It hurt a little to read some of the things I experienced and how I really felt when everything seemed so simple. Not that it's ungodly complicated now, but I realized something upon reading this: you never get that first love feeling back. Ever. And I have been looking for it everywhere and cannot seem to fall the same way or with the same intensity. I suppose being in a verbally cruel and controlling relationship would make a person wary of love, but it's something I so desperately want. I don't think I'm afraid to fall in love, but I've waited for three years for the feelings I used to be capable of to submerge me. And it hasn't happened...and I don't know if it ever will happen like I want it to again. Makes me sad.

~moving on~

I am now 19.......I'm a sophomore at Southern Illinois University Carbondale and I couldn't be more in love with it. I love Carbondale so much it's unreal. It's the first place that's felt like home ever to me really. It's got amazing energy and a good vibe for a town that only has 20000 people whenever the college kids leave. I did not go back home for the summer; I'm staying here in a trailer with my friend Randi. We're having a pretty amazing time. I'm taking a couple of classes so I could keep my work study job, and they're pretty interesting. I'm an English Education major, and I love it. So that is pretty much me in a nutshell right now!

~on boys~
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of three months, and I'm a mixture of sad and glad about it. He was a really great guy, just kind of boring and calm opposed to my craziness. He was kinda condescending towards me, which pissed me off to no end. I am kinda seeing a new guy, not really seeing but just talking to him. He's fun. But I don't really think I need to be in any type of relationship right now, simply because I can't handle it. I have been this way since Chad and I broke up: I don't stay in relationships longer than three months. I don't know if it's all in my head or if it's just me being nineteen, but I don't like it. I've hurt a lot of good guys just because I'm fickle, and I don't want to do it anymore. However, I also hate not being in a relationship whenever I'm talking to just one guy. I want to cuddle and have wild sex and do it all under the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. But then I get bored. I don't really understand it, chalk it up to my age and my one-time experience getting my heart plowed under. But I really want to be happy in a relationship, and know that I'm not going to get bored. I'm so ready for it; maybe I just haven't found the right guy. I dunno......